Today been a day of chores and mixed feelings, good, bad and sad, I picked up my Kona’s remains this morning, made me look at Laika and know she misses her as much as I do, and the hole she left in our lives. It’s the end of an era in my life, it closes the door, and is the final tie to my marriage, which is what has left me with, mixed feelings. I don’t miss that segment, of my life, but to make out like it was all bad would be a blatant lie, but it wasn’t a walk in the park either. We spent so much time together, people used to comment, that we were the “perfect couple” spending all our time together and never arguing. Well after 10 years of someone being with you 24/7 you are not such a perfect couple, and when you get home after spending every minute of the whole day together you just don’t have anything to talk about anymore, nothing is new, and everything that’s happened to either of you, you both already know about, so there isn’t anything left.
I do think in this day and age, being together and separate may just be a way to be, I have become fiercely independent, to the point that I don’t even date anymore for fear of having to give any of it up, but without children, and a family I guess that becoming selfish is just what happens. Perhaps for people like myself, and I do think there are a whole lot of us, finding a new way of being, might be the right way to go, not sure what it is yet, and it’s definitely not a fuck buddy, cause that’s not a solution either, but perhaps before beginning something a whole lot of ground rules need to be laid out. I know you wince, hell-of-a-romantic… but people fall into things that seem right at the time and a month later just don’t know how they got there.
A friend was relaying a story of meeting a lovely woman, they both have kids in there late teens and early twenties, they went out a for some months, and then went on holiday to Italy with everyone in tow. Needless to say all hell broke loose and by the end of the trip, they left on separate flights. I just wonder if before the time they had been honest with each other and lay down some ground rules, what might have happened, might have saved him 3 tickets to Europe. So with all this in mind, I did something I would never do, I joined a dating site, a scam, anyway that’s a rant for another time, but they ask you all sorts of stuff and want you to tell people about yourself, like I’m tall, handsome, large brown eyes, strong physique, blab la bla, like all the ones you read they are all bullshit, so I thought fuck it, I’m going to do it as honestly as possible, so I did, you can just imagine the response, hahahahaha, well if you can call it that. The truth is probably closer to fantasy, and that’s what this is all about, I guess the better the fantasy the more you will deal with to have it, and even bullshit yourself you’re the perfect couple. Does it make any sense? Well that is one thing I really don’t know, does it matter? I can’t answer that either,