Saturday, 7 May 2016

Lost between red-tape and a jail cell with a slim chance of success.

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago and before you think I'm off on a rant the truth is when you look at it from some ways off its rather funny, but it might also offer a few handy tips for anyone needing to re-register a vehicle.

This week has been a really crazy one, full of having to achieve, but very little actually getting done except for a huge amount of learning.
It is a fact of life that if you build bikes whether it's as a profession or as a pass time, you are going to have to deal with the government, be it the licensing or traffic department or police for that matter. This week I had the dubious pleasure to have to deal with all the above mentioned.
On Monday morning bright and breezy I was on the road to pick up the bike trailer and from there to load 3 bikes. On the way I stopped and collected Nicci and Little Laika and off we went.
One bike had to go to a friend who is reworking the frame, simple enough, and that went off without a hitch. 
The next stop Stickland police clearance, seems simple enough and on entering security it was really going quite well, we then pulled into the warehouse and our first contact is with some idiot behind a window who cannot even raise his carcass up to notice we are towing a trailer and cannot turn... just a stupid person, I ignored him and went and asked someone else for some help and was then told as we work from Woodstock we need to go to Bellville South Police Clearance, fabulous...
Bellville South PC is a whole 5 kilometers away, so what difference it makes is a mystery to me but the hell with it. We arrived and holy shit, the place is 180 degrees in the opposite direction of the previous one, it's a complete shambles, the place is full of vehicles and stuff laying everywhere and the people you're dealing with reflect the place. Two women behind a completely trashed counter barely even acknowledge you, and when you eventually interrupt their conversation it's as if you took a piss on her shoes, she informs you that "the guys outside", there are 10 guys outside but fuck it I am going to do this and I eventually find him. I say to him I need to clear a motorcycle,  his response is "you have to request a police clearance" so I said to him very nicely "please sir, can I have a police clearance", turns out you have to go to a traffic department and fill out a request form to request a police clearance, who would have thought.
So off we go to Bellville Traffic, I get in, it's empty, great, I rush to the counter and, "sorry we are off line, try Parrow Traffic" and off we go again, we get there and guess what they are "off line try Goodwood Traffic", and guess what they are online but everyone who needs a Traffic department is there too and it takes a good 2 hours to get my request. Now if you are out of breath reading that, you are beginning to feel me.
No time to get back to police clearance, I have to get to the roadworthy testing station to get the other motorcycle tested, which goes off without a hitch, I then drop Nicci and Laika at home, offload the bikes and pick up the laundry and drop the trailer off and that's Monday done.
Tuesday, at dawns crack I'm up and loading the bike for clearance and heading out. I'm there by 09h30 and "the guy" looks at the bike and he wants to see the chassis number which in this case was on a metal plate that was dissolved in the acid treatment before plating so I had one made up and put it on myself. I didn't make doubly sure of the numbers and being a dyslexic I got it wrong so "the guy" says you have to have the right numbers put on it, so off back to the workshop to put the right numbers on. This takes all day so no joy on Tuesday.
Wednesday loaded and off again to Bellville South for clearance and as I arrive "the guy" now tells me I have to see some warrant officer because I put the numbers on the frame myself. Turns out that this cannot be done and as there is no longer an original plate and that the number are not stamped into frames steering column it's all highly suspicious. This is retarded, I know there was no number on the column, I am damn sure of it. Anyway to cut a long story short, they are torn between arresting me and crushing the bike and passing it through clearance. It turns out thanks to Google they finally agree that this model was not stamped into the column and after making me stamp new numbers into the column they clear it and at 14h30 I finally get to leave.
What is truly annoying about the whole thing is that you get to deal with a level of ignorance and arrogance that is just astounding, these people are public servants, though that is completely lost on them, it's an oxymoron as they shit in the face of the public.
So to all those public servants out there that take pride in what you do, thank you! You are becoming very scarce. As for the rest of you I shit on you, and your shity attitude, I hope the bad taste lingers your lifetime.

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