Today been a day of chores and mixed feelings, good, bad and
sad, I picked up my Kona’s remains this morning, made me look at Laika and know
she misses her as much as I do, and the hole she left in our lives. It’s the
end of an era in my life, it closes the door, and is the final tie to my
marriage, which is what has left me with, mixed feelings. I don’t miss that
segment, of my life, but to make out like it was all bad would be a blatant
lie, but it wasn’t a walk in the park either. We spent so much time together,
people used to comment, that we were the “perfect couple” spending all our time
together and never arguing. Well after 10 years of someone being with you 24/7
you are not such a perfect couple, and when you get home after spending every
minute of the whole day together you just don’t have anything to talk about
anymore, nothing is new, and everything that’s happened to either of you, you
both already know about, so there isn’t anything left.
I do think in this day
and age, being together and separate may just be a way to be, I have become
fiercely independent, to the point that I don’t even date anymore for fear of
having to give any of it up, but without children, and a family I guess that
becoming selfish is just what happens. Perhaps for people like myself, and I do
think there are a whole lot of us, finding a new way of being, might be the
right way to go, not sure what it is yet, and it’s definitely not a fuck buddy,
cause that’s not a solution either, but perhaps before beginning something a
whole lot of ground rules need to be laid out. I know you wince, hell-of-a-romantic…
but people fall into things that seem right at the time and a month later just
don’t know how they got there.
A friend was relaying a story of meeting a
lovely woman, they both have kids in there late teens and early twenties, they
went out a for some months, and then went on holiday to Italy with everyone in
tow. Needless to say all hell broke loose and by the end of the trip, they left
on separate flights. I just wonder if before the time they had been honest with
each other and lay down some ground rules, what might have happened, might have
saved him 3 tickets to Europe. So with all this in mind, I did something I
would never do, I joined a dating site, a scam, anyway that’s a rant for another
time, but they ask you all sorts of stuff and want you to tell people about
yourself, like I’m tall, handsome, large brown eyes, strong physique, blab la
bla, like all the ones you read they are all bullshit, so I thought fuck it, I’m
going to do it as honestly as possible, so I did, you can just imagine the
response, hahahahaha, well if you can call it that. The truth is probably
closer to fantasy, and that’s what this is all about, I guess the better the
fantasy the more you will deal with to have it, and even bullshit yourself
you’re the perfect couple. Does it
make any sense? Well that is one thing I really don’t know, does it matter? I
can’t answer that either,
I get what you are saying. I haven't been single for that long (9 months). I dated a guy, we laid down ground rules, were honest about what we wanted. And it was still a fuck up. I don't have an answer lol. Emotions get involved and tangled and egos come out to play. And fuckbuddies are certainly not the answer (for me at least) either. I love being independent and not having to answer to anyone or take anyone's wants or needs into consideration. But at the same time I would like to have a someone. But of an oxymoron. Being together and separate sounds like the ideal. But like you said, does all this make sense? Or even matter? Dunno.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the dating site :P hehe