Finally it broke, two days of migraine and sinus, felt like a boxer beat my face to a pulp. I don't usually get migraines so I was not prepared for it, but thanks to lots of advice and a quick trip to the chemist for a cocktail, a dark room, and I'm feeling a lot better. The cause? you ask, is stress, self inflicted as usual, but changes have stressed me out, some disappointments and the obvious annoyances at being pissed about by unimportant people. Time will sort things out as usual and taking it all to heart isn't going to solve it at all. It does however change a few things. It does mean that the sponsorships I normally do, are a thing of the past. I'm done with giving my time, effort and craft to unappreciative people. I have worked with several artists, that have always had a lot negative to say about sponsorship, or as I like to say putting a little back, from a karmic point of view it makes sense to me to do them, but of late, all it's done is prove those artists right.
I been thinking about change this morning, and the old cliche comes to mind, "the only constant in life is change" and I think it probably is true, but I wonder if it is also true about the very essence of you, can you change after all you have seen, experienced and lived through, this sets patterns in your life, and I wonder if therapy could even change those ingrained patterns. Of course I will admit that all those things cause your growth, and that in essence is change, but after years of that growth there is a whole bunch of things that cause you to act, react, and feel, and that forms patterns of behaviour and I wonder if this can ever be truly changed or worst case scenario modified? All that, got me thinking about just what I let into my life, and how those things are going to change how I act, and worst of all, will I repeat the errors I made before in the handling of these things because I haven't actually changed at all. The truth for me I'm afraid is dark,