I write this because I can't find any way of saying out loud what I feel as I shatter inside.
I have spent most of my life alone,even in long term relationships I have always felt alone,so I can safely say that I count my friends on one hand, and of those, my good friends there is only one.
He's older than me,and is like an older brother, we were in business together, and the only person I have ever felt comfortable doing that with.
On Tuesday his wife, passed, and now he is alone in frail care, he has dementia, prostate cancer and is not expected to make the next week.
I have been away from him for 15 years living a thousand miles away but I have always felt him close, even with the dementia that took him from who he was, and made it difficult to be close to him. A man who was so vital his whole life, it made him lash out for the loss of control he felt.
This life will slowly strip you of everything, and we will die in our own piss and shit, alone.
There are no words of wisdom here, just loneliness.
At this time of year when everyone is reminded that being a human being is being kind and loving, forgiving and tolerant, I feel that it's all bullshit, this is not a state for the holidays, this should be a constant state and something we should strive towards in our everyday lives. I blogged about being a "mensch" and perhaps it's good to remind ourselves what it means to be one. what follows is that blog A while ago I mentioned being a “mensch” and I was not really clear on what it means. A good friend and client brought this in for me, it’s part of an article written by Charlotte Cohen, and it sums it up well. What is a honourable mensch It is a voice, and the understanding behind it. It is the eyes, and the intelligence behind them. It is the recognition that support is needed, and asked for, giving it And the kindness that lies behind all of that. It’s keeping quiet when one ought and speaking when one should and knowing the difference. It’s giving pr
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